Podcast: Play in new window | Download
This episode we are joined by Luke Gilkerson, Internet Community Manager for Covenant Eyes. Luke is perhaps the most prolific blogger on the subject of porn and recovery on the internet with 1500+ posts. In this episode, we start off talking about the relationship between technology and porn. We end by discussing the key elements of quality accountability relationships in overcoming porn addiction.
In my last 13 years of porn addiction recovery I have been called by dozens of guys. The conversation always starts like this, Do you know some software for x operating system or for this device? It seems more and more guys are identifying their struggle with porn as a technology problem.
In this episode you’ll find out about:
- How porn is a technology problem, but it’s also relational and spiritual.
- How taking the first step with getting some technology help is the easy step.
- How we were created as human beings to be together.
- The definition of accountability and what it is not.
- The case for accountability to a be a lifestyle, not a last resort.
- Why you don’t graduate from accountability and the need for others.
- What the online disinhibition effect is.
- The background of Covenant Eyes.
- The connection between software accountability and meaningful relationships.
2 Key Elements of Quality Accountability Relationships
1. Real Friendship
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17 ESV)
- A sense of comradery
- True friend through thick and thin
- With us in adversity
2. Wisdom
The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. (Proverbs 20:5 ESV)
- We cannot see to bottom of our own hearts
- We need wisdom
- “A man of wisdom is able to go the bottom of someone else’s heart and draw up the things that are really going on, the real motivations.”
Accountability needs both of those elements. You need to have a genuine connection, friendship,a sense of togetherness and brotherhood combined with wisdom. A wisdom where this person can actually get to the root of us. They can help us see what we can’t see in ourselves.
We are never truly free until we are free to be in vulnerable, true, face-to-face relationships with other people.
Start With What You Have
1. Is there a person in your life who you would consider a true spiritual brother (or if you’re a woman, a sister)?
- Get together and ramp up your relationship in the wisdom department
- Get good books about how to get to the heart of things
- Find teachings and other resources you can discuss
- Partner together to be experts in one another’s heart
2. Is there someone in your life who is wise who can see to the core of you? Maybe an older person in your life.
- Build up your relationship in the friendship department
- Go over to their house for dinner
- Get to know their family
- Hang out together
- Do things to build solidarity and friendship
And If you don’t have any one in your life like either of those things, it shows how isolated you are. It’s time to get into communities where you can do that.
This is not a one-time thing. You need to develop a lifestyle of creating these relationships. Sometimes you have friends for a season or you move and have to start over. But you still need accountability and you need to work at creating it.
Some of this content appeared originally in an eBook called Porn-Free Church, see pages 91-93 by Luke Gilkerson.
Other Resources and links mentioned in this episode include:
- Covenant Eyes Blog
- Free Christian E-book: Your Brain on Porn by Luke Gilkerson
- One Anothers in the New Testament of the Bible (see 139 results)
- And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. (Hebrews 10:24-25 ESV)
- But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. (Hebrews 3:13 ESV)
Transcript:
Click Here to Download the Transcript for Episode 011 (PDF)
Big thanks to Lightning Atkinson for producing this episode.
Disclosure: I am affiliate for Covenant Eyes Internet Accountability and Filtering software. Read more here about why I recommend it.
